Ex Files: Dialogue with a Pretentious Snot

1:38 PM
Rob: Hey

6:30 PM (Despite my personal and stated rule of NEVER responding to messages beginning this way, I think to myself, “Oh, whatever, why not?”)

Me: Hey

6:33 PM
Rob: Happy Friday.

6:38 PM
Me: Same to you.

6:43 PM
Rob: You didn’t follow your third point, which I can assume that is for others and not yourself. I’m kidding of course.

6:50 PM (Wow! He read my profile?)
Me: If I included all of my exceptions, my already novel-length profile would be about the size of the OED.

6:52 PM
Rob: Good to know. Did you have a productive week?

6:52 PM (Productive??? ummm… I guess?)
Me: Indeed I did

6:54 PM
Rob: It’s refreshing to text with someone with intelligence. It’s like breathing fresh air for the first time.

7:04 PM
Me: While enhancing your respiratory function was not exactly on today’s to-do list, I’m pleased to have inadvertently accomplished this in fewer than 50 words.


Yes, yes, in the title I was referring to MYSELF as the pretentious snot.
First it was boring. Then it got WAAAAAY cheesy. Nope. Moving on.

Stay tuned to read more about the do’s and don’t’s of initiating first-time contact and engaging in message communication.

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