There comes a time in every girl’s online experience when her creep-o-meter goes ballistic.
Observe the following:
Tight-shirt-bathroom-mirror-pic dude (9:27 PM):
You are cute! Can we talk?
Thanks for viewing my profile. Would love to talk!
[Wow, you pay that much attention to your profile that you know every new viewer?]
What would you like to speak of?
Tight-shirt-bathroom-mirror-pic dude (9:31 PM):
We could talk about geeky stuff. What do you do for a living? [Because THAT’S geeky…]
What kind of geeky stuff turns you on? [huh? How is geeky supposed to be related to… no. just never mind.] I’m pretty good with knowledge. I seem to remember things well.
Me (9:36 PM):
I’m a receptionist as well as a freelance editor and contractor. [copied and pasted from my profile. You must not have read it.] How about yourself?
I have a terrible memory, so I grasp concepts well but I have a hard time remembering facts sometimes.
I’m not sure how to answer that question. [Because it was a terrible question, and I never should have bothered to reply, but I figured he must have some kind of point?]
Tight-shirt-bathroom-mirror-pic dude (10:27) PM:
[notice that an hour has passed]
I work as an engineer. I’m a programmer.
You seem really nice. I like how you write.
Do you enjoy what you do?
Me (10:30 PM):
Thank you. I aspire to someday write a book. I do enjoy what I do. How about you? What do you enjoy about engineering and programming?
Tight-shirt-bathroom-mirror-pic dude (10:41 PM):
I enjoy some parts of it.
Solving interesting problems. Being able to contribute. Making great money.
But, there are things I don’t like either. By the way, I do like elitists. [Yay? Because meeting your standards was my main concern, don’t you know.]
Me (10:42 PM):
Why do you like elitists?
Tight-shirt-bathroom-mirror-pic dude (11:27 PM):
[another almost 40 minutes has passed]
Well, for one, I am sarcastic.
[What does being sarcastic have to do with liking elitists?]
I should rephrase that. I am attracted to arrogant women who seem to be overly judgemental. Why? Not sure. It turns me on intellectually. [>_<]Probably because on some psychological level I always know you’re right 🙂
[At this point, I was in bed, but even if I hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have replied.]
Tight-shirt-bathroom-mirror-pic dude (11:45 PM):
Do you like men who somewhat give into you? Treat you like an elite woman?
If so, I can certainly do that 🙂 [Creepy, gross, totally inappropriate]
You are lovely. [Gee, thanks, but YOU are scary.]
Same night (2:31 AM):
Looks like you’re not interested.
[Duuuuuude, it’s 2 in the stinkin’ morning!!!! Go to bed!]
Even though you’re an elitist.
[I think he must misunderstand the meaning of the word elitist.]
I’m sorry if I said anything that was disrespectful. I could work hard and provide for a woman of your elitist stature. I would always be there to cook, clean, and massage you Miss.
[ massage me????
[No. No thank you. NOT AT ALL]
The next day (7:07 PM):
We should have went on a date tonight.
I’m free. That rarely happens.
Anyways, looks like you can’t be bothered to respond. It’s a sign of immaturity to unreasonably ignore. Take care.
[UN-reasonably? Oh, no, sir, I had VERY good reasons.]
(By this point, I was severely irritated since I had had a very long day.)
Me (7:24 PM):
You are a very assumptive individual.
I’m sorry that my inability to respond to your overtly suggestive overtures displeased you.
And no thank you. Judging by the conclusions you jump to when people don’t fit into your time schedule, I doubt we would get along.
Tight-shirt-bathroom-mirror-pic dude (7:35 PM):
They weren’t overtly suggestive. Talk about assumptions? They were merely supposed to ignite conversation about elitism. [How are offers of massaging meant to ignite conversation about elitism????]
I’m submissive to women. Duh. I only care about your time table. I just don’t like being ignored. I think we’d get along because you’re obviously the type of woman I’m attracted to. But, you screwed it up. Take care.
[I messed things up with you?! Oh no! Whatever shall I doooooo?! >_<]
[I gave no reply.]
Tight-shirt-bathroom-mirror-pic dude (8:11 PM):
Obviously your time table is the only thing that matters. Your priorities are the only thing that matter.
Would you be open to a man cooking for you? A man who can listen to you?
[Why are you messaging me again? I ruined it, remember? Please leave me alone so I can think about what I’ve done!]
Tight-shirt-bathroom-mirror-pic dude (today, 1:04 PM):
May I please ask why you have to be so difficult?
I only want to make you happy and smile. I don’t like arguing.
[Dear Creepy Man, I would like to point out that we are not arguing, we are silencing. Sincerely, Me]
Stay tuned. In future posts, I will discuss appropriate vs. inappropriate things to say in messages to strangers.
In other, happier news, today was my third first encounter with a POF user [stories from encounter 1 and 2 coming soon!]. I can now say that in the past few weeks I have experienced the same number of first dates as I have been stood up by.