When I first created my profile, It wasn’t much more than a bit of fluff. A lighthearted look at some of my whimsical tendencies, and a smattering of facts about myself:
If I were a season, I would be Autumn–the crisp, golden time of year when the inevitable is faced not with resignation but with bold beauty and passionate defiance.
I think far too deeply about pretty much everything and view the world in terms of metaphor and meaning. (Half the time. The rest of the time, I talk about it in terms of sarcasm or witty banter.)
Music, words, water, photography, writing, singing, performing, and trying new things are just a few of the many things that I enjoy.
I’m also a bit of a geek–corny puns, the show Firefly, Star Trek jokes, the Big Bang Theory, and literary allusions make me smile.
But there are also many unexpected and quirky surprises for you to discover about me (for example: would you believe this straight-laced girl is an avid follower of Walking Dead? It’s true ^_^).
My faith is deep, my smile is wide, and my laughter is easily evoked.
I love life, but one of the things I love most about life is sharing life’s experiences with other people. Perhaps you would like to share some experiences with me?
It was short, sweet, and to the point. Other pre-filled sections indicated that I had no kids, was single, don’t drink, don’t do drugs, and live in North Branch. After a full day of using Plenty of Fish, however, I felt compelled to elaborate by adding the following:
(Please note, commentary included in the brackets is not part of my online profile.)
Point the First: I am terribly elitist and judgmental. Please use punctuation. A stray or missing comma? They happen. Complete lack of any punctuation? I disbelieve that you are a high school graduate, much less that you have attained whatever degree you claim. Also, if you substitute “u” for “you”, I will not reply when you message me. If you can’t put the effort into adding the additional two letters to form a full word when trying to make a first impression, I refuse to acknowledge the initiative you took to message me in the first place.
[You would be amazed at how many messages I receive that contain execrable grammar. No capital letters. No periods. No effort to actually present oneself as a literate person with any sort of education. Even people who never went to college should be able to demonstrate use of capital letters and the ability to end sentences with proper punctuation.]
But I do at least commend you for the small initiative of actually sending a message. Which leads to…
Point the Second: I will not initiate communication with you. I’m not going to “just ask” if I want to know more. I will not respond to profile lurkers. I don’t care if you think I’m attractive enough that you are willing to click a button that says you want to meet me. I don’t care if you think my profile is witty or charming enough that you “favorite” me in your cache of POF Profiles you like to view. If you don’t reach out with a message, we are never going to interact. So stop your passive-aggressive profile-watching nonsense. If you really think I’m interesting, attempt some communication.
[In the two weeks since I have created my profile, 322 people have clicked a button indicating they desire to meet me; and 18 users have added me to their “favorites” list. (Of the 18 who added me to their favorites list, only 3 have sent me a message). I have received messages from between 60 and 75 users. Out of 322 people who claim they want to meet me?]
Which brings up…
Point the Third: ASK QUESTIONS. Please don’t be so lame as to just send a message that says nothing more than “Hi” or “You are gorgeous.” I understand that no guy on this site is going to engage in communication if he doesn’t find the pictures I’ve posted to be at least marginally physically attractive. So, I’m already assuming you like what you see. If you are going to send me a message, ask a question about something in my profile: Something we have in common, something you find interesting, a reference you might recognize, a turn of phrase you enjoyed. ANYTHING really that would evoke some kind of response that would facilitate further communication. (This, of course, necessitates that you actually read my profile before messaging me. Please save yourself some time and effort by reading that I don’t like bars before asking if I want to meet you at one for drinks.)
[Just as ridiculous as the people who don’t send messages but expect their lurking to yield results are the people who send messages without having read a profile. I can go to their profile and see immediately that we probably wouldn’t like hanging out if every other photo features a cup of alcohol in hand. And when I say “ask questions”, I don’t mean to ask me to repeat what I’ve already written. Yesterday, a user asked me what I was hoping to find through the site. I told him I had already explained that in my profile; and he replied, “I would rather hear it straight from the horse’s mouth.” Congratulations, sir, in one line you have managed to indicate that you can’t be bothered to read what I have already written (which means I that I refuse to be bothered to write more) AND you have compared me to a horse. I have nothing against horses, but that’s really not the best way to make a first impression.]
Point the Fourth: Please, for the sake of allowing me to look favorably on your whole-word, full-sentence messages, DO NOT bring up the desire for a long-term relationship with me in our first messages. You don’t know me, and I don’t know you. When you meet someone at a party, and you find them attractive, do you state within your first five minutes of conversation that you hope your newly-formed acquaintance leads you into each other’s arms? That is just foolishness. I know that this is a dating website, and the majority of us are on here because we desire to find a lasting romantic relationship. But let’s not make ridiculously hasty assumptions. If I don’t even know your name, much less your personality, your character, your level of integrity, or whether or not you will watch Muppet Treasure Island with me at least once a year, chances are I don’t yet want to be in your arms (no matter how muscle-bound and full of manly strengthliness they might be). Please get to know me before planning a happily-ever-after with me. Or just get to know me. Period.
[In the last two weeks, I have received two first messages containing the desire to wed me, one message from someone offering to father my children, and a dozen more messages that were desperate, clingy, or way too eager to jump into the middle of a relationship without laying any groundwork for the establishment thereof. @_@]
I am new to the area, and I’m using this site as an opportunity to expand my social horizons. Do I want a relationship? Yes. Do I plan on finding it here? Heck no. What I plan to find here are people I can connect with, meet up with, chat with, and get to know. I’m using this site as a springboard that will allow me to establish acquaintances that have the potential of turning into something more. So please, don’t try offering the moon. How about we start with a cup of coffee somewhere?
One last thing (so much for “finally”, right?):
My intention is to meet real people, not engage in indefinite online flirtation. People can adopt any persona they want to from behind a screen. I would much rather get to know who are when you are face-to-face with someone. I’m much more interested in actual people than in nebulous sales-pitch profiles and extended email/text exchanges.
So there you have it: a blog-length profile not for the faint-of-heart. But, seriously, with as verbose as I am, a guy who isn’t willing to read a profile this long probably wouldn’t last long with me, anyway ^_^ Perseverance, people– have some! 😛