The Ex Files: Judging the Judgmentalist

Oh, Look–Another potential ex-boyfriend I missed the pleasure of dating. Bummer.

From Today’s POF message archive:

Mr. Ex:
So you choose to judge people on the basis of their grammar?
[Interesting opening. That sounds like a challenge. WHY, sir, WHY would you open a conversation on a dating website with a CHALLENGE to the girl you are exerting effort to communicate with? Are you here to find a relationship, or to prove your superiority? Seriously, you can’t argue someone into different ideologies.]

Me:
Of course. [Which you would know had you read more than a few lines of my profile.] Do you not have standards by which you judge whether or not you would be interested in dating other human beings? [Obviously, he does, because he did not ask me on a date. Which means he “judged” me to be unsuitable.] Do I judge the value of a person’s humanity based on their grammar? No. But I am not naive enough to think that I would enjoy pursuing a relationship with someone who devalues that which I value deeply. Been there. Done that. It was a disaster.

Mr. Ex:
Well it’s instinctive for the human mind to be judgemental, that’s a given, but in all actuality being a firm believer of God, he’s the only one allowed to do that. Or am I wrong? [Seriously? You’re playing the God-card here? What is your purpose in this? Yes, sir. Of COURSE you are wrong. Every day consists of a series of choices. Choices based on your JUDGMENTS. Do you seriously think you exist in a non-judgmental void? Newsflash, the very act of CHALLENGING my profile in the first place is an act of judgment on your part in which you judged me to be wrong. Therefore, you have proven yourself incorrect. I didn’t even have to say anything. But I couldn’t resist. So I did.]

Me:
If you believe that God calls you to abandon evaluation and judgment based on evaluations, I would encourage you to read the Bible. Proverbs might be a good place to start. [Lots of distinction between wise/unwise, people one should associate with, people one should avoid. Great advice for sound judgment.]

Like I said, I am not judging anyone’s human worth by their grammar (nor condemning them to Hell). I am, however, evaluating their suitability for potential committed relationship.

Mr. Ex:
Well better to say evaluate then judge, just my opinion!
[Thank you for your opinion. Which, by the way, was a judgment. So basically, what you are saying is that it’s only ok for YOU to make judgments. Mine are wrong, but it’s perfectly ok for you to be judgmental.]

Me:
judge\ˈjəj\
transitive verb
1 : to form an opinion about through careful weighing of evidence and testing of premises
(According to Mirriam Webster)

[“You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous of which is ‘never get involved in a land war in Asia,’ but only slightly less well-known is this: ‘Never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line!’ ” And only slightly lesser-well-known is this: “Never challenge an English Major about her choice of words!”]

Mr. Ex:
Okay thanks, sorry I bothered you

Me:
I have a bachelor’s degree in English. My passion for words compels me to choose them carefully.

You aren’t bothering me. I’m simply defending my choice of words.

 [Seriously, I wasn’t bothered. More like terribly, terribly amused. Good luck finding a girl who will bow to your superior ideals.]

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20 thoughts on “The Ex Files: Judging the Judgmentalist

  1. Nathan "Rosy"

    Grammar and word choice are good measurements of a person. That Mr. Ex prefers evaluate to judge tells me that he is more concerned with political correctness than communicating clearly. Some people just don’t understand that word choice can say much more than the words themselves.

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  2. Nathan "Rosy"

    I’ve always been of the opinion that anyone who uses pickup lines needs to work on his pickup lines.

    Sadly, much of that thought is lost without the intonation of vocal speech.

    Like

  3. Ooooh, Cheryl, your posts make me smile. This one is so spot-on! “We non-judgmental people have to put up with so much from terrible horrible judge-faces like you,” she wrote ironically. Bullet dodged, my friend. Bullet dodged.

    Like

  4. Inconceivable! I don’t, repeat DON’T get guys like that. Obviously he was offended from the start, but what self absorbed judgmentalist would challenge you in the first message? Get over yourself dude! (Sidenote: I don’t know why he was upset about grammar being a problem, he seemed like he was pretty good at it)

    Like

  5. Huzzah for judging people according to their grammar! It is a wonderful and quick way to assess someone’s basic level of education and communication, which are critical points of compatibility in the long term. I also judge my interest in potential mates according to their vocabulary, spelling, ability to challenge me academically, and religious beliefs (I am a Christian). Full disclaimer, though: I am an engineer, and my grammar bigotry only extends to the most egregious of cases. I couldn’t diagram a sentence if my life depended on it.

    Incidentally, “judgment” loses all negative connotation when you add “good” before it, and I think that everyone advocates for having good judgment when selecting a mate. Political correctness run rampant has given people a knee-jerk reaction to that concept of judgment that is entirely inappropriate.

    Thanks for the laugh. If for no other reason than to help me decide to either jump into the online dating pool or to justify my bias against it, you have a new follower.

    Like

  6. teddybouch

    Huzzah for judging people according to their grammar! It is a wonderful and quick way to assess someone’s basic level of education and communication, which are critical points of compatibility in the long term. I also judge my interest in potential mates according to their vocabulary, spelling, ability to challenge me academically, and religious beliefs (I am a Christian). Full disclaimer, though: I am an engineer, and my grammar bigotry only extends to the most egregious of cases. I couldn’t diagram a sentence if my life depended on it.

    Incidentally, “judgment” loses all negative connotation when you add “good” before it, and I think that everyone advocates for having good judgment when selecting a mate. Political correctness run rampant has given people a knee-jerk reaction to that concept of judgment that is entirely inappropriate.

    Thanks for the laugh. If for no other reason than to help me decide to either jump into the online dating pool or to justify my bias against it, you have a new follower.

    Like

    1. Thank you for your comment! It made my day ^_^
      I wish I had thought of the “Good” aspect of judgment when I was conversing with this guy. Alas, hindsight is always 20/20.

      I wouldn’t recommend basing your own choice off of my experience. My elitist tendencies allow for a rather limited perspective. I’m relatively new to online dating myself, so you might be interested in reviewing posts from earlier in the month.

      If you do decide to jump in and care to share your experiences, I would love to hear your stories!

      Like

  7. Pingback: Forcing the Conclusion… | Thought Technology

  8. Michael

    I also find myself wondering what questions are best to ask; what facts are best to share; and obviously, what grammatical liberties to take online, when there is no second chance for re-interpretation. ^.^Take this lady I communicated with online for instance… Let’s call her “Charity”. Please pardon the irony 😉 Anyways, she was obviously attractive (hence the initial pursuit), and quite eloquent and quick witted, but I managed to blow it!
    How you may ask? Well, have you ever said something you regreted? Well try putting it in Cyberspace and not knowing it was not appreciated until way too late? Also, you have got to hope you don’t have any past failures, or else you have the unenviable task of knowing how early, how often, and how much to share. At any rate, she is an intriguing lady, that I have both come to respect and sincerely enjoy, but still don’t know if it was anything I could have remedied… In real life she would have got flowers. Either way.

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  9. Michael

    Oh yeah, Ms. Euphoria, may I be so bold as to ask what your POF “username” is there? You seem nice. 🙂 Anyways, thanks for your general willingness to help the masses dwell “according to knowledge” ^ _ ^
    Btw [opps, by the way], 🙂 mine is “[Charity]isUnique” … Not that I have much completed in my profile. It’s quite a spontaneous “work in progress”. 🙂 Keep up the good work! Never laughed so hard (even a little in spite of myself) while being enlightened at the same time. 🙂

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  10. michael

    There is some irony that I have chosen to read your blog, and read Jan 25 last. lol Thankfully, all posts are moderated. If I can ask you to do me a favor and tell me my faults. Perhaps I should know them. I get that C., but I want to make it right. Congratulations, however, on your match. I am sure it will work out. Two people with high standards and faith finding them exceeded in the other individual bodes well. I know, just my hunch. Anyways, I find it more difficult to learn having not got a reply, than being strictly told off. lol. Would you help me there, C.? I hope you will; perhaps I might become better for it. Also, till I know, as a man, I would want to try again, but I want to be respectful also. Especially now. Therefore, I will humbly ask this one more time for your reply 🙂 I mean no harm. Wishing you the best of luck, C., would seem less pretentious, but what I sincerely mean is God bless you.

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