Ex Files: The Backfire

We take a break from our usually programmed writing to entertain you with this bit of conversational exchange.
(The past few days have been busy, and the weekend does not appear to be any less so. Nevertheless, POF antics continue.)

Yesterday Morning, I received the following message:

Mr. Ex:
Hello. How are you?
Your beautiful

[I usually ignore messages like these. But when I’m feeling particularly snarky–generally, prior to proper caffeine consumption–I will be cruel and rub people’s faces in their grammatical errors. (Note to self: For the betterment of humanity, drink more coffee before checking POF messages.)]

Me:
My beautiful what?

[The poor soul did not understand my criticism of his grammar, and within fifteen minutes sent the following reply:]

Mr. Ex:
You are beautiful. Your eyes. Your cute red hair. The looks in your pics. How you carry yourself in your pics. And you like coffee 😉 that’s always a plus

[Indeed, it is a plus. Unfortunately for you, I have not yet consumed enough of it to compel me to be decent to my fellow humanity.
By this time, I was getting ready for work, and did not actually read his message until things had slowed down at the front desk. For lack of anything better to say, I acknowledged his compliment with a simple: ]

Me:
Thank you for the compliment.

Two hours later,
Mr. Ex:
You are more that welcome.
What is an amazing person like you doing single?

[Oh, no. not cheesy pickup lines! I had already violated my own general rule of thumb concerning people whose first message to me rests on nothing more than bad grammar and comments about my looks. There was no way I was going to encourage this guy to use CHEESY PICK UP LINES TO BOOT. Unacceptable.

By this time, I was back in the stockroom, deliberating with my coworker about how best to handle the situation (Remember Doug? The person who inspired me to join PoF in the first place? Yeah. THAT coworker.) Well, I had decided that I would much rather take the “How to Lose a Guy” approach approach rather than the direct, “I’m just going to directly tell you no” approach. “Why don’t you tell him you’re divorced?” Doug suggested. Excellent! What better way to shake off an unwanted prospect than to present oneself as super sketchy, right?]

Me:
My divorce is almost finalized, so I’m just seeing what’s out there. How about you?

[Perfect, right? Any rational creature should be thinking, WHAT IN THE WORLD IS SHE DOING TROLLING AROUND FOR DATES IF SHE IS STILL OFFICIALLY MARRIED? But no. Twenty minutes later, Mr. Ex confirmed my suspicions that humanity has reached new lows]

Mr. Ex:
Well that’s good to know. I finalized my divorce last summer. I started working a lot to keep my mind busy. After trying to start things with a few girls in my town I decided that I needed to look around more. So a friend told me about pof. I thought what’s the worst that could happen… I don’t find anyone.
I do have to say I am sorry for breaking your third point.

[That’s good to know?! >< sigh….  And, BTW, you have broken more than the third point. But I’m glad you finally took the time to read my profile.]

Now then… should I mention my deep debt, my two kids, and the recently-dyed-pink hair? or should I just say thanks but no thanks?
^

11/24/13 Update:

This is what I ended up writing back:

“How’s your experience with POF been? Mine has been iffy. I mean, just because I’ve done jail time doesn’t mean I wanna hook up after a first date or accept propositions to become someone’s baby mama.”

I thought that would take care of it. I mean really, not-yet-divorced AND doing jail time? Surely this should raise some red flags.

But, the next day, he DID write back. He commented that he didn’t know that I had done time, and I must be a BadA**. @_@ (Serving time is now a POSITIVE thing? It disturbs me that he didn’t even ask what for.)

Obviously the “weird the guy out” tactic was not going to work. So, heeding the advice of a faithful reader who gently reminded me that honesty is the best policy,  I replied with the following:

Ok…. So, first I need to apologize. I was being snarky with my first message. And when you wrote back with a cheesy pick up line, I decided to see what your reaction would be to weird information.

In truth, I’m not divorced. I’ve never done time. And I’m sorry for being a jerk rather than just being up front from the beginning and saying that I don’t think we would be well suited. Please forgive me.

(also, I recommend that you set your sights a bit higher. You can do better than someone who trolls for dates before finalizing a divorce.)

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13 thoughts on “Ex Files: The Backfire

    1. Most violent sociopaths don’t announce it. hmmm…. may I should mention my jail time.

      ____
      Addition: That’s what I did!
      I wrote back:
      “How’s your experience with POF been? Mine has been iffy. I mean, just because I’ve done jail time doesn’t mean I wanna hook up after a first date or accept propositions to become someone’s baby mama.”

      Like

  1. Charlotte

    When I was a young teen I had a friend once lie about her age to try to scare a guy off — inadvertently she merely advertized to him falsely that she was legal. Thankfully nothing came of it in the long run, but it really didn’t help her in that situation at all. I’ve had other friends fib in order to let a guy down easy and ended up leading him on FOR YEARS. Shoot, my own former boyfriend lied to me for a couple months before breaking up with me without warning under that same motivation. Maybe these things make me feel a bit more strongly about the subject than I would otherwise, but — wouldn’t honesty be the best policy? I mean, on a dating site, everyone’s already insecure about mis-information, and reputation can really be important. Or to an extreme: what if he’s the stalker type with the hots for a girl who could care less about still being legally married?
    Anyway, glad you were able to shake him off. 😛

    Like

    1. Thank you for your perspective. I appreciate it.

      You are right. I shouldn’t play with people. It really does flabbergast me, though, how people are willing to ignore things like infidelity and prison records and such.

      He DID write back. He commented that he didn’t know that I had done time, and I must be a BadA**. @_@

      So I replied with the following:

      Ok…. So, first I need to apologize. I was being snarky with my first message. And when you wrote back with a cheesy pick up line, I decided to see what your reaction would be to weird information.

      In truth, I’m not divorced. I’ve never done time. And I’m sorry for being a jerk rather than just being up front from the beginning and saying that I don’t think we would be well suited. Please forgive me.

      (also, I recommend that you set your sights a bit higher. You can do better than someone who trolls for dates before finalizing a divorce.)

      Like

  2. barry simmonds

    LOL….you should also tell him about just being let out of prison and that your mother lives with you. (Father still in prison!) Bwa ha ha……

    If God is your Co-Pilot….Change Seats!!

    Like

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