Message received tonight:
I deeply regret that it is my unfortunate duty to bring it to your
attention that you are above and beyond our maximum standards for
looks. You are clearly a 9/10 and here on POF we only
allow 6/10 maximum.
Your account will be CLOSED unless you reply to this message with your name, your favorite flower, how many Cheetos you can fit in your mouth at once (just curious) and if you prefer American or Italian cuisine. This is very serious business and I would advise you not to take my message lightly or you might anger my boss Poseidon, the lord of the seas.
I deeply regret your unfortunate choice to send me a generic copy/paste message.
Furthermore, how very deeply counterproductive to use any reference that gives a numerical indication of inadequacy. If you truly want to flatter a woman, call her a 10. Better than average is not really all that flattering. If you can’t in good conscience tell such an aggregious lie, a simple, “My, you sure appear to be lovely in the pictures you’ve posted” would be much better than attempting to mitigate the lack of idealhood by disclosing that you generally settle for girls who only meet 60% of your general expectations.
(I bet you thought you were giving a compliment, didn’t you?)
However, you did seem to have a sense of humor, so I went to your profile. Alas, I discovered nothing more than five short, nebulous sentences and a handful of pictures in which you are showing off your manly strengthliness, musclitude, and unclothed torso. Granted, your muscles are physically attractive; but let’s be real. How many people posting half-nude photos are looking for long-term monogomy?
Even if you were looking for a serious relationship, however, threatening me in your very first message is not a great way to go about establishing said relationship. “Reply to me because I’m awesome” would be one thing, but “reply to me or face the wrath of a mythological seaweed slinger”?! no thanks. I’ll take my chances with mythology rather than acquiesce to someone who tries to bully or guilt me into a response.
I do not know how many Cheetos I can fit into my mouth at one time. I have higher aspirations than to test my mouth’s capacity for storing food before chewing it.
I’d say thank you for your interest; but since nothing in your message was personalized, the best I can offer is grattitude for prividing fodder for a blog post and lively facebook exchange regarding the complimentary vs insulting nature of your message.
Good day, demigod,
I’m sure there is hope for humanity. But at this particular moment, I’m just not feeling it.
(and what does he mean a 9/10?! If you don’t think I’m a 10, numerical evaluations can just be omitted. >_<)
“You are everything I thought I didn’t want in a girl.”
What does this mean?
Am I supposed to feel bad that the person I decided to scorn has scorned me in return?
On second thought, HAS he scorned me? By using the past tense of thought, is he trying to indicate that he no longer thinks I am what he doesn’t want?
This is why proper grammar is essential. Muddy grammar makes for unclear communication. Can you communicate clearly? If so Thank an English teacher ^_^