Ex Files: Why You Gotta Be So Mean?

Today’s offering is not from my dating website… it is actually a Facebook interaction. (Apparently, nothing is sacred. Be warned, people. Be warned.)

And the moral of this story is that I do NOT understand guys. At all. (And that I’m just plain mean. And kinda cranky after 10 hours of work. oops) Guy readers, help me out here, how is a girl supposed to know if a guy is wanting to have a conversation? Due to the particular person, I assumed it was not based in any kind of interest beyond general, “Hey, I associated with this person once” interest. But he seemed to take my response a bit personally. Is that indicative of quelshed interest I didn’t realize I was  heartlessly crushing? After months of not hearing from this particular acquaintance, he wrote:

3:14 PM Do you have a dating profile just to write about your experiences? 

(His words are green, and my actual words to him are orange. My commentary is blue.)

[Why, yes,  how perceptive. Of COURSE I created an online dating profile just so I could write about people.  >_<]  

I replied: No. I started the blog after the dating profile. It was too rich to pass on. I’ve met a few very nice people. I just respect them too much to blog about them. But the lamers and crazies? Totally Fair game.

7:29 PM I see

[Good for you. I’m glad the rain is gone.] _____

Next day 7:24 PM I was thinking about either hitting on girls with “hey cutie, how would you like a cheesy pick up line?” Or reverse flirting with “so did it hurt? … fell from heaven? No I thought you were in an accident with your fa…never mind, I’m so sorry!”

[oooookay, then…. What is this supposed to mean? How am I supposed to respond? Does he mean in the context of a message to girl on a dating website?]

9:29 PM Me: Do you do online dating, as well? ____

Next Morning: 5:15 AM I don’t do any king [kind?] of dating

[Why? Why are we having this conversation? What do you expect to accomplish by informing me that you don’t date? It was a closed statement that invited no further remark, and I had to go to work. So I refrained from reply.]

Later that evening at 6:35 PM: I see that you have in fact seen my response, yet have not responded in turn. Obviously you desire to cease conversation. While that hurts my feeling I bid you good day. I am going to sulk now. By playing Xbox.

[Facebook is both a blessing and a curse. Yes, I may have seen your message. But you, dear stalker, have NO idea the circumstances surrounding the reading. And by this time I was tired, hungry, and not at all receptive to guilting nonsense. Fuming at the receptionist desk, I texted out a response rant.]

6:36 PM ???? What did you expect me to say? [You made a blanket statement that wasn’t exactly an opening for discussion.] So, you kissed dating goodbye. [? that was the best conclusion I could come to about why he informed me of his dating eschewing] That’s great. Good for you. Gold star. Happy?

6:48 PM  No. I didn’t kiss dating goodbye. I just don’e have time. You don’t need to be mean about it. 

6:54 PM Well, you wrote to me at 5:12 AM. And then got huffy that I didn’t reply (I work from 8-8 today. Sorry I didn’t prioritize responding to your one-line statement.) How did you expect me to respond when goaded? You made a closed statement. If you desire response, open ended questions are the way to go. Also, keep in mind that text carries no vocal tones. The only time I’ve ever heard people talk about “I don’t date” is when they have been making a morally superior point. So if you didn’t want it read that way, you could have said “I don’t have time to date” so it didn’t come across as a self-righteous put down. Then, when goaded, I probably would have replied with: bummer. You’re missing out. It’s kinda fun. [Also, my phone was dying. >_< But Facebook indicated he was typing.] My battery is down to 3%. Please don’t be offended if I don’t reply to whatever you are typing.

6:58 PM You are right. Written responses have no vocal tones. I was kidding about you not responding [That was a joke? Seriously, you gotta use some emoticons or something.] and was trying to strike up conversation again. [oooooooh… guilt tripping me about not replying and whining about sulking by playing xbox was supposed to prompt me to continue talking to you! I get it now!] I was not kidding about you being mean. [It’s a good thing I never claimed to be nice.] I won’t bother you anymore. [Pardon me while I go weep?]

_____ sigh Am I the only one confused about how his statements were supposed to provoke profitable communication? Anyway, The conclusion of the whole matter is that I am mean.
Time to go rethink life, I suppose. 

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12 thoughts on “Ex Files: Why You Gotta Be So Mean?

  1. Uh, no. That is way weird. Especially him creeping on the “Read” part of the message and getting offended that you hadn’t replied– it’s one thing to steal a moment and read a message/comment/email but it takes more time to sit down and give a thought out response! And everything he said was all jumbled and nonsensical. He gets the Aussa stamp of “weirdy.”

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  2. teddybouch

    I would chalk this one up to a pretty standard miscommunication attributed to the limitations of online communication as not fully understood by all parties in the conversation. The most frequent offenders of this are technical people, who have difficulty relating to people normally to begin with. I’m allowed to say that as a male engineer – I know a lot of them, and I see one in the mirror every morning. They end up trying to hide behind sarcasm, “joking,” and other methods to attempt to interact, which are exactly the tactics that are the last communicable in text alone.

    I’ve seen a lot worse, but I do know where he’s coming from and what he was trying to do… to some extent. I had a girl that tried similar conversations with me, and they went much the same way. She clearly tried to steer conversations in a direction to talk about romantic relationships because she wanted one, and if she couldn’t have one with me then she wanted my advice on how to get someone else. I personally hate it when people try to manipulate conversations like that, especially when it’s obvious.

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    1. I get what you are saying, but it didn’t seem like he was trying to engage in “conversation.”

      Regardless of the content even, the fact that he was trying to get me to reply while closing down the opportunity to reply? I seriously didn’t get it.

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  3. jwidavid

    I agree with Aussa – “way weird”. Whether he was truly joking or not, this guy reminds me of certain ‘would-be’ emo kids from drama club. Not the confident, bold guys that actually got parts. Not even the crazies that were so simply to make a point. No, he reminds me of that one guy who loved to talk about how everyone hates him.
    You really don’t seem to be the type to be guilted into correspondence (which this guy attempted to achieve through his awkward… humor?). Like you said, time is valuable.

    [ please don’t criminalize me, I am of the school of thought that the period belongs on the OUTSIDE of the quotation marks 😛 ]

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    1. I won’t criminalize you. I will simply sit here and judge you silently ^_-
      Ah, drama club…. good times.

      I can occasionally be guilted into doing something, but it never turns out positively because then I have all this resentment about the situation that makes things terribly unfortunate ^_^

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  4. Nathan "Rosy"

    He appears to veil his intentions, likely because he doesn’t have the confidence to be direct about them. I believe the pickup line comment was meant to incite your pity. Once he realizes that you will not be manipulated he hastily retreats. (“I was kidding”) Ultimately, I think he was interested in you, but wanted you to initiate the conversation.

    Take it for what it’s worth. I don’t have a psych degree or anything.

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    1. Alas, thus is his downfall. I am very much a non-initiator. I’ve always been of the opinion that a guy is not interested enough if he is not bold enough to have intentions and follow decisively. (Another of the many reasons I’m single ^_-)

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      1. Nathan "Rosy"

        I think the actual reason you are single is you just haven’t found that perfect combination of crazy and literate in a “fish.” That is something that I can empathize with you on.

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