The Zero to Hero Blogging University has been a TON of fun so far!
I’ve “met” some awesome bloggers (waves awkwardly to all my new blogging buddies)
and found a TON of unexpected inspiration.
Most recently, some of the blogs I haven’t expected to follow (but have found myself engrossed in) involve food–beautiful food, whole food, organic food, complicated food–the kind of food that I could eat (and write about) endlessly but never actually have the time, dedication, or skill to make myself.
But if I COULD, if I had the time to maintain another blog, I would start a food blog–a food blog for people such as myself who have grand intentions but not even the hint of a kitchen-worthy clue.
The idea came to me through a deeply philosophical Facebook conversation in which some friends and I were examining the definition and boundaries of the term “brunch.”
Me:What makes a meal “brunch”? Is it brunch any time my first meal of the day substitutes for both? If so, can it still be called brunch if I eat it after noon? Is it the availability of both breakfast and lunch foods? If so, if I eat at Denny’s at six and order an omelette with fries, would it be called “brinner”?
Keith:It’s brunch if you want an excuse to eat scrambled eggs, pancakes, and bacon for lunch.
Me:But is there a time limit? If I eat scrambled eggs, pancakes, and bacon for lunch at 3, can I still call it brunch?
Keith: There is no time limit. There is no morality. There is only Will to Bacon.
Me: So brunch revolves more around the presence of bacon than scrambled eggs? Or is it the simultaneous combination?
Keith: It’s mostly the bacon. All hail bacon.
Andrew: Keith, your specification lacks quantitative, objective criteria. Please revise and re-submit for certification.
Keith: *redrafts* BACON
Andrew: Your specification is again rejected, as bacon is a permissible (and encouraged) feature of every meal and is therefore not a unique and sufficient specifier for the meal of brunch.
Me: Andrew, you have rejected Keith’s parameters while failing to provide your own.
Andrew: I was giving him a chance to be thorough while at the same time giving myself the necessary time to be sufficiently through. See below.
Because the word “brunch” is a portmanteau of the words “breakfast” and “lunch,” it necessarily must contain features of both either in terms of contents or in terms of time. Therefore, if we define traditional breakfasting hours as existing between 3 am and 9 am and lunch hours as generally being between 11 and 2, then we can argue that one possible definition for brunch would be the eating of those collections of foods traditionally associated with breakfast in the context of the designated culture after the hour of 9 am and before the hour of 2 pm. Proceeding beyond that time range impinges upon the bounds of after lunch and must therefore include some reference to dinner, for which the portmanteaus breakdunch, dinbrunch, blinner, and dunchfast are all suggested.
Alternatively, brunch may be defined as independent of time by an amalgamation not of times but contents. In this case, traditional breakfasting foods such as eggs, breakfast sausage, toast, pancakes, etc. are combined with traditional lunching foods such as sandwiches, chips, light soups, etc. Although all participants may not partake of both types of food, any setting in which a menu or buffet offers both types may be considered as a “brunch” due to the presence independent of the partaking.
The reviewer will note that bacon has been omitted from the proposed definition. This is done because the guidelines of meal-taking clearly indicate that bacon is, by default, encouraged to be included in all meals, quasi-meals, amalgamated meals, and snacks. It is also omitted to spite the author of the previous proposed definition.
Me: Spite has no place in the objective discourse surrounding the pursuit of knowledge. That said, I would propose avoidance of “dunchfast” as it could easily be mistaken for “dunchfest” which would prompt inquiry as to what a dunch is and why a festival is held in its honor.
Andrew: The spite comment was purely sarcastic. Bacon was avoided purely in order not to limit it to the category of breakfast foods.
Your objection to the word ‘dunchfast’ is noted, and concurred with for removal from the proposal with the additional note that ‘dunch’ is obviously the meal amalgamation of lunch and dinner in the same way that ‘brunch’ is the amalgamation of breakfast and lunch.
A point of consideration – is it necessary to add explicitly that brench can also refer in the temporal definition to the eating of traditional lunching foods during the traditional breakfast time period up to but not including the traditional lunch period? While this is not traditional, it would logically meet the same criteria.
As another point, I think that we can all agree that Merriam-Webster’s definition is far from sufficient: ” a meal usually taken late in the morning that combines a late breakfast and an early lunch”
Contrary to Keith’s assertion, my theoretical blog would not be about bacon (although 101 ways to prepare bacon would be a fun read).
It would be a collection of recipes and tips for people whose kitchen expertise is a little on the lackluster side of things.
Title and tagline:
Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner–A Celebration of Food for the Culinarily Impaired
If only I had more time and more motivation!
(Alternative tag line: “Will to Bacon” ^_^)