In Which I’m Still Trying to Find Myself, But Others Find Me Humorous(ly)

“You’re just not what I’ m looking for.”

Been there. Done that. Never bought the t-shirt because–let’s face it– I’m way too cheap for souvenirs that aren’t at least figure-flattering, but I COULD have had I wanted to.

I get it. You’re looking for someone else–Someone smarter, prettier, lower maintenance, higher  maintenance, thinner, curvier, funnier, less cheesy,  more graceful, more gracious, more assertive, more compliant, more ambitious–whatever. You discovered that you wanted something different; and I’m just not what you’re looking for.

And yet, regardless of what you seek, I am what you found.

Recently, there has been a slew of searchers who, in their quest to obtain something else, have found me.

And it’s been hilarious.

Below is a sampling of the terms we’ve come through:

happey things
I’m not sure whether to be thrilled that someone found my blog by searching for happy things or whether to be disappointed that such an egregious misspelling directed them my way.

creepy online messages dating
Yes, yes, I’ve posted many of these. Check out the Ex Files for samples.

plenty of fish headline examples
Ok… so maybe in this case, they DID find what they were looking for.

“words to describe a great person”
While I’ve written about showcasing a great personality, I’ve focused more on describing your own self rather than someone else.  I wonder who they were trying to describe and why?

“dating websites cheatos”
This one has me particularly perplexed. Did they mean Cheaters? or are they trying to find dating website profiles that feature a favorite food? Regardless, I did have one particularly un-charming man attempt to woo me by asking how many Cheetos I could fit in my mouth at one time. (Goodness, that’s like asking a girl her WEIGHT! Did he really expect an honest answer?????)

 “euphonies in the hunger games”
The dictionary describes Euphony as “the quality of being pleasing to the ear, especially through a harmonious combination of words.”  The Hunger Games had some pretty music, but did not seem especially replete with lovely verbiage. I find it particularly amusing that this search led the seeker to my blog because I’ve only written about the Hunger Games once. And really, it was more of a mention.

“ex is a pretentious”
A pretentious WHAT????? Whose ex? MY ex? YOUR ex?

“euphonic dress sense”
I would like to claim that I have SOME sense of fashion… but they were probably sorely disappointed by the lack of fashionista-ness herein contained.

“there have no any single day for love so ignore valentine day”
The incomprehensible grammar leading to my blog makes my heart hurt. Perhaps they meant this?

“others have excrussimg i have mymreasond why”
Can I just cry?

“euphonic – its over”
“euphonics girlfriend”
“euphonic anger issues”
“who’s euphonics girlfriend”
“ex for euphonic”

(The best I can tell, there is a public figure who calls himself Euphonik. In addition to poor spelling, he also has anger issues, a girlfriend, and one or two exes.)

“pretentious dialogue”

Why yes, I do have tons of that. (Half of the time, it’s completely unintentional. Today at work, for example, one of the cute engineers actually deigned to SPEAK to me and inquired if I had vandalized his desk with a particular post it. [HOLY COW. AN ENGINEER AT MY PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT–A GOOD LOOKING ONE, NO LESS–WAS FLIRTING WITH ME!!!!!] This, of course, required return flirtation. Mustering my sauciest and most salacious of glances, I turned my eyes upon the post it, haughtily arched my eyebrow, and informed him that I would never have misused a comma so egregiously. (Flirting at its finest ladies and gents. The fastest way ever to quell interest? Start babbling about grammar
-_-) He had to look up egregious. (note to self: Causing people to seek a dictionary kills a moment. Dead. There the poor moment writhes, slain upon the floor.) Kudos to him, though, for actually looking it up!  He laughed slightly over misspelling it at first, having assumed it began with an A. I reassured him that I was impressed that he even bothered to look it up and didn’t judge him in the least for misspelling it because my pronunciation had been a bit nebulous. He then had to look up the definition of nebulous. (I can give some great insights on how to write an online profile. But don’t come to me for flirtation tips. I clearly fail.) Sigh…. I don’t INTEND to sound pretentious. It just sort of HAPPENS. [And I wonder why I don’t get asked out more… :P])

“public embarrassment”
While I was dating the Physicist, he once said, “Thank you for being willing to be weird with me in public.”
Enough said.

“made up words”
Craptastic, Weirdnerful, Snarkasm, Fantabulous… Read the poem “Jabberwocky” if you are having trouble coming up with some fun ones to use. I must use them with enough frequency for Search engines to direct people in search of made up verbal shenanigans to this space.

“sarcastic witty online dating profile”
Why Yes, Mine was ^_^

“dating humor”
Does this mean I’m funny?

“pick up lines for charity”
Is this for a charity event? or was someone honestly trying to find pick up lines to use for a girl named Charity?

“what to say about online dating to family”
I wonder if this searcher actually found anything helpful? My family took  the news pretty well. They bought me a stun gun for Christmas.

“toast text mesages”
Would this be text messages about toasts? A Toast that could be offered through a text message? (I dont think I’ve ever written about toast. weird. But since we are on the subject, let’s offer one: To ancient times and distant music!)

“ninja online dating”
Do ninjas do online dating? Some people do online dating like ninjas. 

“do you use a.m or p.m to write 6:35 in the evening”
How in the world this led to my blog is a mystery.

So, there you have it. From Ninja dating to toast, from time signatures to creepy messages, seek and ye shall find. But what you find might not always be what you expect–unless, of course, I am what you were looking for. ^_^

 

 

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11 thoughts on “In Which I’m Still Trying to Find Myself, But Others Find Me Humorous(ly)

  1. OMG, I’m also busting a nut here….wait, I don’t have nuts! If I had them, I’d be busting them, rest assured. But I’m curious about one thing. How do you go about finding out what terms people searched to find your blog? My curiosity is piqued. (Does using that word make me pretentious? Gosh, I hope so!)

    Like

    1. Triple pretentious points for using piqued well!

      To see search terms, go to Dashboard, the stats. I think search Engine terms are right beneath the numbers graph for visitors. It only shows the ones used today. Click “summaries” to see past terms used.

      Like

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