Once more we have jumped back into the world of online dating.
This time around, due to the pleas of my mother, in addition to the free dating site on which I’ve re-activated my profile, I decided to also try a paid service.
Thus far, I’ve been underwhelmed by my investment in Match.com.
It seems that there are three main types of men whom I have encountered so far through this site:
- Men every bit as equally unsavory as the unsavory sorts I encounter on the free sites. (Not all the men on the free sites are unsavory. I’m just clarifying that I seem to encounter an equal number of them on the paid site)
Men who believe that since they have paid money for a subscription to Match, they deserve a return for their investment without actual effort on their part.
Men who are (or think that they are) the entire package and thus, expect to find someone as equally excellent and beautiful and worthy of the excellence that would be bestowed upon them should the gentleman in question deign to grace her with a date.
But that is a post for another time.
Today’s post examines the self-righteous perspective of an online dater who went through the effort of sending a personalized message only to have it remain unacknowledged.
I have strict parameters set for my inbox. I only accept messages from people who:
-live within 100 miles
-have at least one picture
-don’t smoke (I have mild asthma–it would kill me)
-don’t drink as a personal pastime
-don’t have children
-claim Christianity as their faith
Everything else gets filtered to a sub-inbox which I peruse sporadically at best.
While this drastically limits the number of people I interact with, I’m really not into wasting anyone’s time (or my own for that matter).
A few days ago, Mr. Ex sent me the following message:
I really like your name!
It is so tough to find others of the same faith on here. Glad I saw your page.
I would totally slay those spiders for you haha :p
Do you have any big plans for this weekend?
Hope to hear back from you
He demonstrated that he had read my profile, so he knew that my faith was important to me and that I hate spiders.
It was a great introductory message!
Unfortunately, he lived over 100 miles away.
I haven’t been online too terribly much in the past few weeks (If you couldn’t tell by my sudden lack of updates), so when I HAVE been on the dating websites, I have focused primarily on replying to people who a) have made it through my filter to my inbox and b) I think there might be potential for actually meeting in the not-terribly-distant future.
For a message like this, I will usually at least acknowledge the message and politely decline further interaction based on distance or whatever else have you. This time, however, it had been two days since I had even replied to a message from a guy in whom I might be interested, much less to a guy I wasn’t interested in at all.
During those two days, I may have have visited his profile twice. I know I read through it at least once. But I gave no reply.
I felt bad about my lack of response until yesterday when I received a second message from him.
It was a one word message metaphorically asserting my similarity to a female dog.
(Silence is suddenly grounds for an attack?)
The most offensive thing is not that he used a derogatory term against me based on nothing more than my failure to respond within his time frame (although that was extremely offensive). Nor is it that he behaved as if I owed him anything simply because he took the time to have sent me a personalized message.
No, the worst part about the whole interaction is that he claimed to be a Christian in the profile that he blocked me from seeing once he had sent his insult.
If his faith in any way condones hurling derogatory slurs at women simply because they respond with silence to an introductory message, we are NOT “of the same faith.”
And if that is his response to a woman who displeases him by having said nothing, I pity the poor woman who DOES end up in a relationship with him. People actually say things to each other in real relationships. If he is this upset by silence, how will he respond to actual WORDS?