Ex Files: In Which A Stranger Discusses Awkward Dance Parties

After a rather long hiatus and affirming that the waiting-to-be-hit-on-the-grocery-store approach wasn’t working, I decided to update one of my dating profiles.

An hour in, and we already have shenanigans.

It started out promising.
His profile was engaging and made me laugh.
He messaged me first (something I always appreciate).
He used full sentences and punctuation.

It went downhill from there.


Him: 
Evening! How’s your weekend wrapping up?

Me: 
Beautifully ^_^ What is a recovering educator doing on a Sunday night?

Him:
Baking and watching movies. What about you lady?

Me: 
Procrastinating. It’s one of my specialties.

Him: 
What are some of your other specialities?

Me: 
Unintentionally sounding pretentious
Setting off my smoke detector when attempting to make breakfast
(But I make great scrambled eggs)
Making people laugh

How about yourself?

Him: 
Also making breakfast, cuddling, and underwear dance party.


Awkward ice breakers much?

I am so dumbfounded that someone would bring up such things in the first 5 chat messages that I don’t even know how to properly ridicule this exchange.
oy…

I just can’t even imagine meeting someone for the first time and bringing up either cuddling OR underwear dance parties.

ick.

Ick. ick. ick. ick. ick.

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