In Which God’s Gift to the Female Population Writes a Profile

I’m about to analyze a profile from the female perspective. My words will be in brackets. Everything else is his.

About Him & Who He’s Looking For 

[Spoiler: It’s actually more about who he’s looking for–and she’s a great catch! The question I want to know: Is he????]

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Ex Files: In Which 8 Years Will Become 9 Unless this Profile Changes Drastically

Every once in a while, I come across a profile SO BAD that I can’t help but wonder if the person is serious. Is it some sort of social experiment? Is it some kind of joke? Is it a tongue-in-cheek loss to a bet in which the loser had to set up a dating profile– and it was executed in the worst way the loser could possibly imagine?

Between the randomized capital letters, lack of punctuation, and whining, I’m not sure if I the note about being funny is hilarious or horribly tragic.


My self-summary

WELL I AM name deleted I AM old enough to know better. IM INTO PUNK,ROCKABILLY, AND METAL MUSIC, I LIKE HOT ROD SHOWS, CARSHOWS, COMICS, MOVIES, OLD BIKES,
I LOVE TO DRAW,
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK???
I HAVE BEEN SINGLE FOR OVER 8 F@#KING YEARS, I AM CLEAN, NEVER BEEN IN ANY KIND OF TROUBLE, NEVER BEEN TO JAIL OR PRISON,

What I’m doing with my life

OK, 1 TRYING TO GET A NICE PRETTY, SMART, GIRLFRIEND, BEEN HURT TOO LONG AND NEED TO FEEL LOVE AGAIN……
 

The first things people usually notice about me

i am funny

Showcasing that “Great Personality”

“S/he’s got a great personality.”

Generally when these words are used to describe a person, it’s the universal way of saying, “Dude, s/he’s not hot.”

And those of us who fit into this category (notice I said “us”—more on that later) frequently decry the superficiality of our society, bemoaning that so much is judged by our outward appearance that the ‘great personality’ people rarely get a chance to display that personality, much less receive appreciation for their engaging humor, scintillating wit, brilliant creativity, or whatever else have you.  So I figured an internet profile forum would be an amazing compendium of people capitalizing on allowing their great personality to be showcased prior to a face-to-face encounter which might ordinarily cause them to be overlooked. (My disappointment has been rather profound.)

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