In Which I am in the Zone–The Friend Zone, That Is

I am often guilty of writing singularly from the perspective of why the men I write about aren’t worthy of my consideration as potential candidates for romance. This might lead a reader to believe that I have an over-inflated view of my own desirability.

Not so. I have experienced my fair share of rejection. And I would be remiss not to share a bit about that.

So today I present: The FRIEND ZONE— a space I have spent a great deal of time in, particularly in the not-too-recent past.

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In Which Timing is EVERYTHING–and mine is not so fast

Everyone has their own pace. Mine? While I trend towards impulsive decisions, my overall pace is generally slow– Especially when it comes to online strangers.

Oh, don’t get me wrong– I’m all for meeting in person as SOON as I have determined that the human behind the screen SEEMs to be a decent sort. (Few things rot more than wasted time–investing energy and effort into getting to know someone through the written word only to discover you do not enjoy their actual presence. So I’m a fan of meetings in public places as early on as possible.)

But that’s about as fast as I tend to move in general.

I’m not one for placing a huge emphasis on the first date. I’m not looking for romance or spark. I’m looking for whether or not I ever want to endure this human’s company again. I’m looking for hanging out. For laughter. For a good experience. There are a million things that are important to know about worldview and ideals and compatibility in general. But none of them matter if I don’t enjoy his presence. So I treat a first date as a casual encounter rather than an event of SIGNIFICANCE.

The first time I met Mr. Moved-Too-Fast, we were both on time. But also equally 40 minutes late. I was waiting inside – He had waited outside. Wisconsin hates cell phone reception, so I had no way to communicate with him; and I was just about to give up when when he saw me through the window– oops!

I don’t really believe in foreshadowing, but if I did, that would probably have been a sign that we just weren’t on the same page.

Continue reading “In Which Timing is EVERYTHING–and mine is not so fast”

Ex Files: In Which He Misses Cuddling and I Miss Decent Conversation

So here I am– Back to the realm of exchanging awkward internet ice breakers with strangers who think my profile picture is pretty.

(Of COURSE it’s pretty—It was taken by the talented Casey Butler—you can request a session with her at Today’s Portraits Tomorrow’s Treasures!)

As I re-embark on this quest for companionship obtained through internet connection, one thing I find baffling is the complete disregard many seem to display for either engaging conversation or propriety.

Lacking the dimensions of vocal inflection and facial expression, it is doubly important for message initiators to ask engaging questions—to give someone SOMETHING to reply to— or write something to FURTHER the conversation. Alas, many people write bland, insipid things, and wonder why the conversation doesn’t go anywhere. or they write things that really DON’T contribute to their efforts to establish a relationship.

When people read through my profile and attempt conversation, I feel obligated to at least humor them, but I have learned from network marketing to work with the working. I match effort with effort. I refuse to be scintillating if they are boring, but I will at least give them a chance.

All chances stop dead in their tracks, however, when either:
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Quirks in Communication

So you create a profile, fill out some information, post a few pictures, and begin receiving messages from strangers, 95% of which are poorly punctuated, riddled with misspellings, or just plain bland. (Seriously, folks, how much interest do you hope to spark by “Hey”ing someone? Keep in mind  that written text cannot convey the nuanced intonational differences between “hey” and “Heeeeeeeyyyyyy”.)

Everyone has their own methodology for their online dating experience and with that methodology comes a few personal quirks. I am no exception. Despite my admonition to keep expectations low, I have discovered that I have ridiculously high expectations for my online interactions and some severely quirky methodologies to which I tend to adhere (which probably limits me in the grand scheme of things, but since they are part of what makes me me, I might as well accept them, right? If I can’t accept my own randomnosity, how can I hope that someone else will?)

So here are a few of my online communicative quirks:

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Lessons Learned Along the Way (Part the First)

Since beginning my foray into the realm of the online meet-n-greet, I have been on four “first encounters.”

I refrain from calling them dates because everyone seems to have a different interpretation of what these first meetings are supposed to be. And in my not-so-humble opinion, a date is something that happens AFTER two people have met face-to-face, established that they are capable of participating in a mutually enjoyable conversation, and determined that they would desire to pursue face-to-face interaction.

Being a novice myself when it comes to interaction within the social sphere known as “dating,” the learning curve has been both wide and steep.

Here are a few of the things I’ve learned in the past few days:
Continue reading “Lessons Learned Along the Way (Part the First)”