In Which a Dozen Might Be Too Much Too Soon

For one hour each day, I am the receptionist at my place of employment.

I sit behind the front desk and monitor the security cameras, greet guests, distribute badges, sign people in and out, answer the phone,  and scroll through my WordPress Reader feed while the security guard is on break. For obvious reasons, it is one of my favorite segments of the workday.

Continue reading “In Which a Dozen Might Be Too Much Too Soon”


First Dates

I have gone from never having cancelled a date to having cancelled TWICE on the same guy within the space of two weeks. >_<

I feel like a terrible person; but last week my car broke, and this week a better prospect came up.

And before you go thinking I’m a complete flake, you should know that the guy I had a first date with instead is this guy:


My nephew was born yesterday (three weeks earlier than anticipated!), and since I had to choose between strangers, I chose the smaller, scrunchier, snugglier one. It’s the first time I’ve been able to see any of my sister’s kids before they were at least a couple of months old, so it was great fun. Alas for the gentlemen on the dating website, I think I’ve lost my heart.

First Date Fiascoes (Why I Might Just Call it a Day and Buy a Cat)

After almost a month on PoF, I’ve had quite a few close encounters of the stranger-than-fiction kind.

After reading through the Pulitzer-Prize-winning profile I posted, it’s pretty clear that my screening process for actually being willing to meet people in person is rather elaborate.

In order for me to consent to meet, a person must:

-Convince me that he is a male.

-Convince me that he is not someone who might end up stuffing me in the trunk of his car. (These first two are more or less intangibles, judged through nuance and intuition. It would be a serious red flag if someone actually said, “Guess what? I’m REALLY a guy! AND I’m not super creepy!” or something like that.)

-Be well-spoken.

-Have no shirtless pictures on their profile.

-Share at least a few interests that would make reasonable conversation points.

-Respect grammar by using capital letters, demonstrating an understanding of the difference between your/you’re and to/too/two, and attempting punctuation with moderate accuracy.

-Come across in a way that suggests a pleasant (or at least fascinating) personality.

-Be at least tolerable to look at. I try not to put too much emphasis on looks, but I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t consider them at all.

That’s it, though. Basically, present yourself as a non-scary male human with enough personality to be able to sustain at least an hour’s worth of (intelligent) conversation.

Once these prerequisites have been met (and it’s rather disheartening how few users actually meet them), I’m all for meeting up with people as soon as they are willing, because, let’s face it, a written persona is merely that–a persona. (Keep in mind that this is coming from someone who claims that her occupation is a hunter of baby seals. I think the only time I’ve ever seen a seal in real life has been at a zoo–and I don’t think any of them were young enough to qualify as babies. [needless to say, it’s not a very lucrative career when one lives in the middle of Minnesota]).

So I’ve had five dates so far.
And they have done nothing if not reinforce the concept that people might look great on paper, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it carries over into face-to-face interaction

Most (though not all) of these dates have been mild disasters in some form or another. In no particular order (lest any of them happen to be reading this), here’s a rundown of my Plenty of Fish dates thus far:
Continue reading “First Date Fiascoes (Why I Might Just Call it a Day and Buy a Cat)”

Relationship Advice from YA Literature (and why I avoid it)

Today’s post is a little off the beaten path from my journey through online dating, but I want to give a shout out to Matt.

This aspiring young writer has been featured in Freshly Pressed and is giving a good name to teenagers who choose to pursue excellence, refusing to allow youth to be a convenient crutch for poor writing. As a former Jr. High and High School English teacher, I say, “Hats off to you, Matt!”

This weekend, Matt is hosting a blog party, the theme of which is “Young Adult Literature,” and I decided to chime in.

What, you may ask, does Young Adult Literature have to do with Online Dating? Well, one thing that young adults and not-so-young adults-engaged-in-online-dating all have in common is the desperate need for advice when navigating the rocky realms of relationships. Just tonight, in fact, I sent an S.O.S. to one of the few men who has been on a date with me yet still remains my friend after all was said and done. My desperate plea for intervention included the line: “I totally fail at this first date thing. . . what am I doing wrong?”

We all need help from time to time.

When in need of advice, though, it is imperative that one obtain it from a reliable source. [If you were seeking advice on how not to create an online dating profile, my blog would be an excellent resource. If I am seeking help in identifying my first-date-faux-pax committals, a man who has survived a first date with me and still likes me enough to keep in touch would be a reliable place to begin seeking information.] One place I would NOT seek relationship advice from is a YA novel.

Don’t get me wrong–I have nothing against YA literature. This past summer, I read the entire Harry Potter series, the Percy Jackson books, the first five installments in the Series of Unfortunate Events, and the Matched, Crossed, Reached trilogy. In the past, I’ve read the Hunger Games as well as the Twilight series; and Divergent is currently sitting on my bookshelf (along with dozens of other books I no longer have time to read now that I’m working two jobs while trying to maintain a social life and a blog).

So rest assured that I feel no animosity toward YA Literature. That said, I offer the following four reasons why I would NEVER seek relationship advice from a YA novel:
Continue reading “Relationship Advice from YA Literature (and why I avoid it)”