In Which God’s Gift to the Female Population Writes a Profile

I’m about to analyze a profile from the female perspective. My words will be in brackets. Everything else is his.

About Him & Who He’s Looking For 

[Spoiler: It’s actually more about who he’s looking for–and she’s a great catch! The question I want to know: Is he????]

Continue reading “In Which God’s Gift to the Female Population Writes a Profile”


Good Recovery!

I post a great many examples of poorly written first message, but for this post, a change of pace.

Someone recently asked me : “Do you have any GOOD experiences with online dating?” and the answer is, “Of COURSE. (They just don’t generally happen to be as entertaining. And let’s face it: If I actually think I have a chance of developing a relationship with a guy, you probably won’t hear too much about him until the chances of alienating him should he discover my blog have been minimized ^_-)

In the song “A New Life” from the poorly received but beautifully written musical Jekyll and Hyde, Lucy begs the universe for “one sweet chance to prove the cynics wrong.”

My experience on POF has made me a bit cynical regarding copy/paste intro messages. Alas for Lucy, her request was not granted; but yesterday, this cynic was proven wrong not just once, but TWICE.

Message Sender 1:

Hi there! OH and may I extend to you the obligatory “Happy New Year!”
I just kind of threw a profile up on here last night and would you believe it has nothing to do with a resolution!
As I’m sure you have seen I have yet to write a self summary and need to put some more pictures up BUT I viewed your profile and really liked it so I wanted to say hello and see if you might be interested in striking up a conversation?
Thanks for your time and consideration!

Cynical Me: 
What did you like best about my profile, B*****?

Message Sender 1: 

Now THAT is a fair question! I mean, what an ambiguous thing to say! Hahaha I might as well have said “Ambiguous statement with a generally positive message about your existence!”

Anyway I really appreciate the WAY you wrote. Now that is something I may not be able to really explain but I think the manner in which people use words can be appealing.
Your opening line where you openly admit you are slightly nuts was endearing in an almost self-deprecating way!
Obviously your faith is an important thing as well!
I am intrigued at you expressed ability to “twist peoples words” I think I do that too….well that is if you meant that you are good at implying something other than what was intended. 🙂
OH and that you have a punny and cheesy sense of humor AAAANNNNDDDD that you have a genuine appreciation for those simple quiet moments with friends etc.
I know that essentially says “I liked everything in your summary” but those are all things that seriously resonate with me. So there! 🙂

Well played, Sir, well played. (20-something messages later, we are still communicating. ^_^)

Message Sender 2: 
Hey you seem pretty cool! What’s up?

Cynical Me: 
Thank you. What about me seems cool?

Message Sender 2:
Well let’s start with the spider killing ability! While I’m more the kind to let most go outside a girl who can make her own kills in that market… Well that’s a rare find! Then the whole loving Jesus thing and being willing to stand for it. Also rare. Jesus is my life. I want to be in ministry for the rest of my life. Girls who love Jesus and kill spiders aren’t on ever street corner mind you!

Oh! And I’m a huge office fan and as such I am quit punny… Which is a word I thought I exclusively used. Until now…

Unfortunately, further messages disclosed that Message Sender 2 is located in Georgia, which is not exactly conducive to having an actual date, so there’s not much chance of continued investment in communication.

But there are two valuable lessons to be learned from these examples: 

#1) Not every vaguely generic message is a copy/paste message, so a clarifying question can be a good thing.

#2) Guys, don’t assume you’ll get the opportunity to clarify. Begin your first message as if she’s already asked what you liked about her profile.

Happy 2014!

First Impressons

Today I received a message that made me laugh (In an unexpectedly delightful way). Still working on the write-up regarding my stun gun, but while you wait, you can see an example of a really great introductory message.

Having read through his profile, I don’t think we would be well-suited; but not because he is weird or creepy or perverted or desperate. I just think we are looking for different things. But this guy at least has earned the benefit of a conversation to prove that.

Behold, an amusingly well-done intro message:

I normally wouldn’t bother with profiles that contain a long list of stipulations. But since your section of qualifications happens to be longer than all the content above it combined, I feel I must accept the challenge just to see if I can clear the bar.

So, how’s this? Hay is for horses. Cows like it, too. Pigs don’t want it.
[In reference to the picture of hay I added as a profile picture so that I could send it to people who write to me with nothing more than “hey”]

Let’s see. “Two”, “to”, and “too” all in their respective places? Check. Not loitering in hopes that you’ll send the first message? Check. Avoided proposing a long-term relationship in the first paragraph? Check. Close enough, distance-wise, that meeting in person wouldn’t be a hardship? Check. Skilled at squashing and/or relocating spiders as appropriate? Check.

Now that you’ve read my message, and had a chance to look at my (otherwise hidden) profile – whaddya think? [Not so fond of whaddya, but everything else passes muster, so I can let it slide ^_^]

[ Included a question in my message? Check. Pretty sure that’s everything. ]


Ex Files: Failure to Communicate

Merry Belated Christmas! I’ve been gone for a bit (much to share about car trouble, new nephews, and stun gun acquisition) but for now, a glimpse of POF nonsense:

He wrote: 

OK so I’ll be honest here this is probably going to be a waste of my time but what the heck lol hi lol my name is J** a little about me I’m a pretty laid back guy not big into the bar scene any more if I have a few its usually with a few friends and a fire I have a good job but I’m gone during the week but get weekends and winters off I do have a place but my sister and brother live there so I rent lol long story lol I have no kids buuuuuut lol I do a lot with my exes boy he’s 10 he’s a good kid we’ve been apart almost two years but he was a year old when we met and his dad is about worthless lol well I’ve probably bored you enough so if for some odd reason you’d like to chat hit me up you seem pretty cool and sane compared to a lot on here lol

I replied: 

You will probably have better luck if

A) you write personalized messages that don’t contain a bunch of copied and pasted information making no reference to the information in the profile of the person you are messaging.

B) You don’t begin your message with an attempted guilt trip. Any time a guy sends me a message containing, “This will probably be a waste of my time,” that is exactly what it becomes.

Best wishes as you continue your search,

Using punctuation would have made an incredibly worthy C (I mean, come on, if you are going to copy and paste a message, the least you can do is take the time to proofread your copy), but I figured I had already been harsh enough.  (my inner grammarian was definitely twitching, though >_<)