Ex Files: In Which 8 Years Will Become 9 Unless this Profile Changes Drastically

Every once in a while, I come across a profile SO BAD that I can’t help but wonder if the person is serious. Is it some sort of social experiment? Is it some kind of joke? Is it a tongue-in-cheek loss to a bet in which the loser had to set up a dating profile– and it was executed in the worst way the loser could possibly imagine?

Between the randomized capital letters, lack of punctuation, and whining, I’m not sure if I the note about being funny is hilarious or horribly tragic.


My self-summary

WELL I AM name deleted I AM old enough to know better. IM INTO PUNK,ROCKABILLY, AND METAL MUSIC, I LIKE HOT ROD SHOWS, CARSHOWS, COMICS, MOVIES, OLD BIKES,
I LOVE TO DRAW,
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK???
I HAVE BEEN SINGLE FOR OVER 8 F@#KING YEARS, I AM CLEAN, NEVER BEEN IN ANY KIND OF TROUBLE, NEVER BEEN TO JAIL OR PRISON,

What I’m doing with my life

OK, 1 TRYING TO GET A NICE PRETTY, SMART, GIRLFRIEND, BEEN HURT TOO LONG AND NEED TO FEEL LOVE AGAIN……
 

The first things people usually notice about me

i am funny
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Judgmental Elitist Seeks Sarcastic Cohort: a Profile of Prodigious Length and Why

When I first created my profile, It wasn’t much more than a bit of fluff. A lighthearted look at some of my whimsical tendencies, and a smattering of facts about myself:

If I were a season, I would be Autumn–the crisp, golden time of year when the inevitable is faced not with resignation but with bold beauty and passionate defiance. 

I think far too deeply about pretty much everything and view the world in terms of metaphor and meaning. (Half the time. The rest of the time, I talk about it in terms of sarcasm or witty banter.)
Continue reading “Judgmental Elitist Seeks Sarcastic Cohort: a Profile of Prodigious Length and Why”