In Which I am in the Zone–The Friend Zone, That Is

I am often guilty of writing singularly from the perspective of why the men I write about aren’t worthy of my consideration as potential candidates for romance. This might lead a reader to believe that I have an over-inflated view of my own desirability.

Not so. I have experienced my fair share of rejection. And I would be remiss not to share a bit about that.

So today I present: The FRIEND ZONE— a space I have spent a great deal of time in, particularly in the not-too-recent past.

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In Which I Assess Degrees of Bacon

“Don’t go Bacon My Heart!– I couldn’t if I fried!”

It’s a pun only a bacon lover would appreciate–But no worries! As Paleo and clean eating increase in popularity, so does Bacon.

Memes like this abound on the interwebs
Memes like this abound on the interwebs

What is almost as popular as bacon? Online Dating– specifically Apps that allow users to swipe yes or no based on a single picture and MAYBE a phrase or two!

Enter the Oscar Mayer App named SIZZL.

“Must love bacon” sounds like a brilliant premise for a swipe-worthy relationship, so of COURSE I had to explore it! (Wouldn’t that be a great story for the grandkids? “How did you and grandpa meet?” “Well, kids, It was a match made in bacon!”)
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Ex-Files: Female Dogs and Feigned Faith

Once more we have jumped back into the world of online dating.



This time around, due to the pleas of my mother, in addition to the free dating site on which I’ve re-activated my profile, I decided to also try a paid service.

Thus far, I’ve been underwhelmed by my investment in

It seems that there are three main types of men whom I have encountered so far through this site:

  1. Men every bit as equally unsavory as the unsavory sorts I encounter on the free sites. (Not all the men on the free sites are unsavory. I’m just clarifying that I seem to encounter an equal number of them on the paid site)
  2. Men who believe that since they have paid money for a subscription to Match, they deserve a return for their investment without actual effort on their part.

  3. Men who are (or think that they are) the entire package and thus, expect to find someone as equally excellent and beautiful and worthy of the excellence that would be bestowed upon them should the gentleman in question deign to grace her with a date.

But that is a post for another time.

Today’s post examines the self-righteous perspective of an online dater who went through the effort of sending a personalized message only to have it remain unacknowledged.

Continue reading “Ex-Files: Female Dogs and Feigned Faith”

Ex Files: In Which Rescheduling Hurts

Some back story:
T***** and I have been messaging since Monday, when I re-activated one of my online dating profiles.
Tuesday morning, he decided he wanted to meet me.

We settled on this evening in a town about twenty minutes away.
Between 8 and 10 this morning, he confirmed twice that we were still on for meeting up tonight.

At 3 PM, I received the following message:

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Ex Files: Return of the Ex-men

Well, here we are again, back in the realm of receiving email messages from strangers.

I get it, nice guys of the online dating world, you are frustrated that you send out message after message and very rarely get a response.

But—before complaining, please consider your message from the recipient’s perspective. Does it contain anything that would compel a woman to reply? Seriously, people, SELL YOURSELVES!

“Hi, how are you?” is bland and boring.

If this is the type of message you generally send as an icebreaker, stop. Just—please—stop.

I’ve received about 5 such messages in the past 2 hours. Though it is a vast improvement over crude innuendo and brazen invitations to engage in physical intimacy, there is NOTHING to distinguish it from other such messages than the profile picture that accompanies it.  Make yourself STAND OUT. Do something to show me you’ve read my profile rather than simply browsed my pictures. And please, do so in a GOOD way.

Don’t do it like these two unfortunate Ex-men:
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In Which a Dozen Might Be Too Much Too Soon

For one hour each day, I am the receptionist at my place of employment.

I sit behind the front desk and monitor the security cameras, greet guests, distribute badges, sign people in and out, answer the phone,  and scroll through my WordPress Reader feed while the security guard is on break. For obvious reasons, it is one of my favorite segments of the workday.

Continue reading “In Which a Dozen Might Be Too Much Too Soon”